my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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