i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
sex in a hospital.. check
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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