I got chris browned last night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
