Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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