Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
