am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
