Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
