I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i think im in europe. pls send help
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
