we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
