Are we in a gay sports bar?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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