Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize