Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
