they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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