I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
