Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
