I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
