She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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