she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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