ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
