i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
