I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Soap is not a condiment
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
