Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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