can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
