Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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