What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
