If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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