He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
soo... how was my night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
