So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
