my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
