I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what day is it and did you see me today?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
