the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
