I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
