He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
