i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
being pregnant is like rehab
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize