so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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