Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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