I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
