If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we're making bets on your personal life
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
