I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
