I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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