what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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