i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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