no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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