My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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