Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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