I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
