Little spoons don't ask big questions
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
