my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
