Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
