A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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