We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
