We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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