This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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