I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
