Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
