The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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