I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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