I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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