does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Two words: blizzard sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
