if i can run in heels then i can drive
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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