Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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