ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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