Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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