It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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