HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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