peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
