I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
