I think I just saw someone hide a body.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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