just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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