Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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