Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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