the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
