I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
