she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
