I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
