It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
